the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
