im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
