I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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