Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
