So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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