I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
