Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
