Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
