I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My liver just had a heart attack.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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