I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
