Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
