please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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