It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
