Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
