i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
