Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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