Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
