Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
