I just threw up on my dentist
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
