I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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