i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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