it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
