dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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