Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
