Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
