Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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