Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
