We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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