Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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