I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
