my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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