I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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