so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
