"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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