you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sext me about skeletons
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
