She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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