One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
