I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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