The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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