3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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