he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
