my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
