Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
