He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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