3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
