So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
