I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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