The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
