We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
