Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
