this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
